It's Got legs

So, it's just 27 days to Christmas. Not long now but the threat of Xmas has been looming for some time – my mother called in September to organise the family Christmas lunch. There are eight of us and each year it is a military precision exercise and logistical nightmare to bring us all together.

As there are eight of us, each year my dad suggests that we serve octopus for lunch so that we can have a leg each. This joke doesn’t actually work as half of us are vegetarian; but he still tells that same joke every year. My wife also claims she is lactose intolerant but it turns out she is just intolerant, especially of my mother’s cooking. Each year, my dad also tells the story of Asda joining forces with MFI – that 70s dodgy furniture shop. He muses “I bought a turkey there once but on the way home the leg fell off”.

Mince Pie (& Tart) Review

It’s that time of year, the time when the TV and shops are inundated with Christmas decorations, presents and food. The mince pie season is officially open. Over the next few weeks I will give up my time and waistline to test the ever-growing range of mince pies (and tarts). I’ve rated each pie by flavour (up to 5 stars) where the higher the better. I have also rated them by cost (up to 5 pound signs)where the higher the more expensive. So look for lots of « but fewer £.  I’m attempting to create my own MPI, mince pie index, but I haven’t fathomed the maths yet.

Management according to reality TV

Is there anyone out there who doesn't have a TV? There are usually one or two who proclaim "television kills the art of conversation, now where's my book" or "where's my knitting". I'm a fan of TV as I believe it is educational. I even believe that we can learn from that scourge of television, the Reality TV show. If you look very closely you will unearth some hidden gems on business management.

Reality TV is cheap TV, it involves no actors or scripts, it preys on wannabe celebrities being watched by more wannabe celebrities. And there is our first business lesson – don't spend money on a high-quality product or service when your audience, your market, just wants cheap and cheerful.

Son of a Viking Demigod

This is a guest blog by my good friend Nigel Oseland.

When I introduce myself for the first time, people often say "that's an unusual name". And I reply "it's not that unusual, Nigel is a traditional English name". But today I want to talk about the origins of my surname "Oseland".

In the UK, the Oselands are all based in the Black Country – they are highly geographically immobile. But they didn't move there until the 1870s, when they went to work in the coal mines and steel works. Before then the Oselands lived in the countryside in villages such as Cleobury Mortimer located along the Severn valley in Shropshire. 

Darwinian Vegetarianism

I am a practicing vegetarian but not your everyday typical run of the mill one. I consider myself a Darwinian Vegetarian and, as such I have a slightly different, some might say distorted, view of vegetarianism.

"A vegetarian is someone who abstains from the consumption of animal flesh"

You won’t find the term Darwinian (or Evolutionary) Vegetarian in the dictionary or even in Wikipedia. The term is all my own; I've never shared it before and it's my special gift to you.

"A Darwinian Vegetarian is a person who is nourished and survives by eating food sources that are freely available from the lowest level of the food chain"

Scooby Double Doo

William Hanna and Joseph Barbera made the shock announcement today that there was more than one Scooby Doo. This revealing confession is considered by critics to be far more deceptive than the Blue Peter debacle with Petra and Freda (the tortoise). The two images on this page clearly show two different Scooby Doos; note the difference in eyes and skin colour. Another clue is that the series has been running 47 years, which would make Mr Doo the equivalent of a 350 year old human.

Going Dutch

Have you ever visited the Netherlands? The more I find out about Dutch culture the more I am bemused and fascinated by it. Rather than just state my musings, with the Christmas holiday coming up, I have phrased them as travel tips for visiting the Netherlands.

So to begin with, did you notice that I wrote Netherlands rather than Holland? Tip #1 is to never say you are going to Holland to a Dutch person. They will think you are ignorant or stupid or both ignorant and stupid. Saying you are going to Holland rather than the Netherlands is like saying you are going to the Norfolk Broads rather than the UK.

As a child I thought that the Netherlands was where Peter Pan and Tinkerbell lived, but clearly not.

The Day I Met the Abominable Snowman

This is the story of the day I met the abominable snowman, that's abominable not abdominal as my son thought - if you think about it an abdominal snowman would just be a large snowball.

My story dates back to the early nighties, I was quite a competent skier at the time and would organize holidays where I taught a group of friends to ski. That year we went to Livigno in the Italian Alps, a bit of a sprawling resort but good for novices and duty free to boot.